I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My bed smells like the plague
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
