So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
