You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
