I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
