Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Randomize
