Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
