I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
