Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
