After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
only you would photoshop your dick
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
