i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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