Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
