can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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