just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
