not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
