Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
