Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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