I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
