just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
