Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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