I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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