Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
