I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have tasted many bathrooms
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
