I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
