he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
