I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
