I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
