im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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