I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize