WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
