How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
