His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
