My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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