I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
