uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
