margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
