Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
