Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
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