I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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