Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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