Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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