He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
