Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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