I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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