Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
