Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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