if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
