Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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