Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
