i barfeds in our rink
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
