and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
